is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were trust falling into bushes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
