I'm going to jail i love you
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
