im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize