whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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