dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
