hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
