Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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