dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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