Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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