You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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