just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
