i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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