There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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