i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
