Do you still have your period?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
