i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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