im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
