dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
