I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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