i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
