Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
