WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
