turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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