I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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