i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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