NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
