on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
