Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Send help, water and tortillas.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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