I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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