I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
