Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
