peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Two words: nipple clamps
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