You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
