wrigley field is MILF paradise
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
