is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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