the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
