He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize