I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
