you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
