take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
