Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
