I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
