Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
