Jerry, you need to find god
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
