Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Text me some of your sweat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
