the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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