hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just tell him i said nine months
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
