I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
