12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
