the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
