I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
