And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
