My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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