U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just blew my weed a kiss
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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