Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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