Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
