Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
