in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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