I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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