I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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