So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
