i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
