Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize