I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
