hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
