Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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