I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
