He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
