I'm going to rape someone's good day.
high people should be assigned attendants
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
