you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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