Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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