Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
