Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
