after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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