I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize