at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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