Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found puke in my bra..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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