well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
