Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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