just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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