I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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