fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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