Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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