I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
