so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
