I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
