well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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